Category Archives: Friends

A work in progress


05/30(or the 31 since you are in Japan right now.)/2016

How we met: well it wasn’t quite meeting at first, really. You stared at me (checked me out) from two rows back on the other side of the class room of our Econ 111 class in Xavier room 150. I knew your name and who you were, and I ran into you often with The-Girl-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. She was something else (and a whole other story) and you and she seemed to be best friends from my point of you. Until I began to pester you.

I thought you were (OMG kill me now for saying this) the cutest kid I had ever seen in my life, and I was down for the chase.

I made a mistake first hand though by the telling your “Best friend” what I thought of you. She had a bit of a fit and she said: “You got, Tomas, and Kiya, you can’t can’t canttttt by any means have him.” And I told her I would respect her wishes, but there was a big piece of me that said: “ignore her” which of course made my reply to her be: “Oh, of course, he is your best friend, I would never!!!”

And here we are. You are my man.

You ask me to make lists.

I love this. (but you know I love making lists so it isn’t exactly work to me. )

What we should do:

  1. Travel the world
  2. Go to every San Pellegrino 50 best restaurants in the world.
  3. Go to Japan – like everywhere
  4. Take a bath – not too long of one, I hate being pruny
  5. Go to an owl cafe
  6. Go to a cat (neko ねこ 猫)  cafe 😀
  7. Feed each other Nutella
  8. Stay at a ritzy hotel and splurge on room service
  9. Keep each other motivated
  10. Keep each other healthy
  11. Couples Message
  12. Take a train overnight somewhere, hopefully, Europe
  13. Swing Dance
  14. Shop for undies in Tokyo
  15. Ice skate in Rockefeller center in NYC
  16. Build an igloo in Alaska
  17. Pray at a temple in Japan (Nara)
  18. Bake

 

 

 

And many of these things came true.

 

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Being Apart and Retrouvailles


Retrouvailles [French]

The Happiness of meeting again after a long time

There are lots of ways that people can be separated. Whether “separate” meaning ending of a relationship, friendship, or bond; or meaning separated by distance and time rather than breaking off that relationship, being apart is painful.

I’ve had friends all over the world, some which I’ve been able to see yearly or more and others that I have never seen.

I have friends I’ve grown up with that became the closest and most important people in my life graduate high school and go far away for college. It hurt to be apart from them. It hurt to lose the physical connection we had and to lose the fulfilling meetings we used to have regularly. But we had retrouvailles when we were finally able to get together during summer, winter, and spring breaks.

Separation changes relationships and changes people. Communication and visiting become more special, but also more difficult. Talking to one another can become a chore, or become monotonous because the same questions are always being asked. “How was your day?” “What did you do?” “How is everyone back home?” “How is school?” “What are your classes like?”‘How was work?”. After a while it feels like there is nothing more to say over the phone or via text.

It feels like the distance between the two of you is prying a wedge between you even more than you thought it would.

happinessisexpensive

It’s costly on everyone in many ways. Seeing friends means gas money, spending money for activities, and food. Seeing friends means a plane ticket home or to them, expenses of travel and the like.

Being apart from friends means you might make new friends and lose those friends, or the flux of new friends is whittled down to the ones that you actually like talking to you, rather than the ones which are just convenient to converse with. The difference between a study buddy and a real pal. It costs time and effort to be happy, to stay happy, and to preserve the happiness that you have with those you love most in the world.

The hardest part about these expenses, is making sure they are worth it, and remain worth it.

convenient

Something being worth your time is far from something which is just convenient. Although, convenience does assist in keeping things that are worth your time.

Convenience is having a neighbor that you can barrow things from politely and they have the same relationship with you, but you wouldn’t invite them over for a heart-to-heart about your dying uncle and the struggles of cancer in your family.

The kind of person you invite over for that serious conversation who thinks you are worth their time is the friend that maybe it isn’t all that convenient for them to see you. That’s why it is special when you see each other, because when you do, both of you have planned that chat, that cup of tea or coffee, that special meeting spot, or the favorite seats in your living room. The date’s been on your calendar and it has been something the two of you texted about for weeks. Making sure both could be there around the same time, prepared and with lots to say.

But also with this best friend, you don’t always need something to talk about. Silence can convey what you need it to as well. Because sometimes all you can say is “I’m so glad you are here,” with me because I need you and you are worth it and I love being with you because I love you. 

And you know they are thinking the same thing and don’t need to say it.

coolshit

Harmony in the those moments of retrouvailles.

What makes a person interesting?


in·ter·est·ing
ˈint(ə)rəstiNG/
adjective
  1. arousing curiosity or interest; holding or catching the attention.
    “an interesting debate”
    2. A term used meaninglessly and copiously by those with nothing better to say.
    synonyms: absorbing, engrossing, fascinating, riveting, gripping, compelling,compulsive, captivating, engaging, enthralling;

    So, now that we know what it means, what does it really mean?

    To me, an interesting person is someone who rarely bores me, even if what they are talking about is on the uses of Tylenol. What my current dilemma entails is a girl whom with all circumstances and experiences should be the most interesting human on the planet, but she is one of those humans I have a difficult time speaking too without a group. Our one-on-one communication I would think would be amazing since both of us have similar interests in langue arts, linguistics, history, and religion; it seems though, that she and I cannot hold a conversation with each other in an empty room for more than a half hour without external input.

    Secondly, I usually assume that people who are well educated, well traveled (even if thats just in the united states, Canada, and Mexico) should by default, according to their money spending track records, are an interesting human. These people should be eye catching, have good stories(even if these stories are fairy tales, making it all the more interesting), be inspiring, and be ready for adventure.

    Unfortunately, I can’t figure out why this woman bores me to literal tears.  Ultimately, I’m too hopeful and tend to lend my friends one too many chances to surprise me with their intellect and make me laugh with good(or terribly bad) stories, or even better: make our own stories. but I’m feeling drained. I give all my funny(or sad) stories to them, I share or invent adventures for them, I invite them to mad gatherings and try to inspire some spontaneity within them, but I’m slowly but surely giving up.

    Live a little.

     

     

     

Finals Week Check List


1. Some how reacquaint myself with Alejandro

2. Get more people to accidentally flirt with

3. Cuddle with everyone

4. Fail an audition

5. Environmental Science class is still not accomplishing anything

6.English Composition II is still not accomplishing anything

7. Be annoyed by my ENG II teacher

8. Talk to Dr. Teacher

9. Send love notes

10. Get rejected

11. Cry pitifully to oneself during class

12. Throw papers manically.

13. Throw oneself onto couch in desparity

14. Devise evil plans

15. Watch stupid videos

16. Facebook too much

17. Listen to depressing music

18. Argue with That Pirate Kid

19. Get Married

20. Disappoint my father

21. Dont drive

22. Drink a lot of tea

23. Microwave a lot of tea and meals

24. Eat alone

25. SHIT TON OF MOISTURIZER

26. LIP BALM

27. Have cold hands

28. Play guitar till my fingers almost bleed and my hand falls asleep.

29. Count

30. Try to forget

31. Get depressed by the holidays

32. Cancel New Year’s Eve Party because I hate everyone

33. Unfriend a lot of people on facebook like a pro

34. Go shopping.

35. Video game therapy.

36. Block people on Xbox

37. Make new friends

38. Scrap four blog posts.

39. Pretend to do work .

40. Write long lists.

41. Go to Church

42. Send this link to people

Crazily Motivational


So maybe I’m not motivated at all to do things like:

1. finished the last 11 chapters of my Algebra 2 book.

2. Study for the ACT.
3. Be polite to certain individuals.

4. Learn how to control my emotions.

And all these things, I really need to do.

I need to finish my Algebra in order to graduate from high school. I need to study for the ACT in order to get good grades so I can apply to schools that are worth my time.

And another thing.

I’m feeling really useless. I’m feeling like nothing matters. I’m feeling like no matter how much I study, how much I learn, how much money my parents spend on my education, I will never be good enough. Doesn’t matter exactly what I’m “not good enough” for, but that I’ll never get there anyway.

Or maybe, I’m just hitting the cusp of my teen angst and there is no looking back now. Maybe these are my defining moments and I need to make the best of my algebra 2 and ACT while I still have time, or maybe this is just the end for you my friend. (New Found Glory). Sometimes I have a better hold of what I’m trying to say while I’m typing than when it actually is read… Context is all there is in my brain.

Then I heard this song, Selfless by New Found Glory, and they say “I’ll catch up on my sleep when I’m dead.” I really appreciate this. I dont get very much sleep anyways, since I think very well between 9pm and 2 am, but also that I like to get up at 9 and still enjoy a morning cup of tea and feel the morning breeze and listen to the birds. I dont want to miss any second of the day, which means I dont want to be sleeping through the wee hours of the morning/night.

Yesterday’s checklist:
1. Not know how to feel about who you had lunch with.

2. On one hand, they were acting fine, being fine, treating others kindly.

3. But on the other, they are also all those people you can’t seem to form a proper opinion of.

4. Question the definition of “proper”.

5. Environmental Issues was canceled so I made friends with my classmates in our empty time.

6. Reveal more about oneself’s life and hear about others more than you thought you should.

7. Here about That Pirate Kid’s strange summer sex.

8. Try not to look at The Fucking fuck face.

9. Be instructed by Dr. Teacher to contact Teemo.

10. Regret ever telling Dr. Teacher I still had his number.

11. Have bloodshot eyes, all day, errrday.

12. Be concerned about my own two-faced actions,

13. I hate bisexual girls.

14. Why can’t they make up their minds?

15. I need better friends.

16. Crush on someone

17. Become irrevocably disappointed in me.

18. Forget to reschedule counseling.

19. Don’t tell the therapist about You’re In Fucking California X’s return……

20. Try to forget about it.

21. Cry because he doesn’t want to talk about it

22. Wonder why we have to “talk” about these things.

23. Forget exactly why I keep feeling this way.

24. Psychoanalyze self.

25. Remember that I like philosophy better.

26. Philosophize about why I’m like this.

27. Metaphysics sucks.

28. Is it Cause to Effect? Or Effect = Cause? ugh.

29. Listen to really bad indie music.

30. Have band practice.

31. Remember why I love music and laugh hysterically with my mates 🙂

Changes


I am really not myself.

I miss me from back in 2010 and 2011.

I was so happy, carefree, and I had so much clean fun.

I didn’t care what people thought of me at all. I just loved myself and loved people and never gave second glances to things.

I wish it was like that now.

People affect me and change me and I feel like I’ve lost a lot of myself from this. I lost some of my wittiness. I lost my individuality even though it still looks like I got it.

All this integration has brought me away from who I am. Who I used to be. Who I want to be.

Maybe its just teen angst. Maybe its just me changing? Maybe I am just fucked up?

 sorryforbeingfuckeduo ( I know I already used it but I like this pic.) 

I don’t know.

At least I can be proud of myself for having A LOT of self-control. I still haven’t gotten into addictions or any hardcore bad experimental stuff that could get me into deep shit.

sillygirlAsking myself this…

Pretty wise statement. Especially when you realize that giving yourself fully doesn’t mean it’s going to be accepted or reciprocated.

A lot of unrequited love about these parts….

ismysufferingoveryetstiles

Not even close, say my sources.

 

 

 

Hey…


I wrote a long while back a blog to my friend and told me not to contact him, so, since our relationship was pretty strong, I respected his need for space.

Until I received a text at 2 am from him saying to check my facebook. I got up during the sunlight hours, read the message and immediately did as instructed. It had been months since we had talked last.

He sent me a document titled: “Hey”.  In the same chat box, I could see the last message he had sent me. Something about not wanting to ever talk to me again.

“Truthfully, you’re reading this because you were not expecting in the slightest a message from me. Maybe you were, I don’t know how your mind reading skills have developed, but for all intents and purposes, this is completely random. “

Then he wrote so many “I’m sorry for..” and “I know you know..” I can’t quite summarize it very well.

“Finally, I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. My mind works as well as a political organization, and is therefore subject to make completely idiotic decisions. There is so much more stuff I’d like to apologize for, but either can’t think of, or they are too relevant to list here. I’ve made bad decisions throughout the two years I’ve known you, and honestly, it feels like twenty. I’ve aged so much mentally, and gained wisdom I never would have gotten otherwise. But at what cost? In my attempt to gain the answers to everything, I lost you, friends, and people close to me. I realize now which is more important, but hindsight is always 20/20.”

While I was reading this I cried. He was really right about most of the stuff he said about things between us. We were best friends, and we fought for each other. Both of us while we knew each other were surrounded by people that tore us down and tried to tear our relationship apart. I am proud to say those people were never the reason for our relationship coming to a close, at least not on my end… I think they may have affected him in a way I didn’t understand at the time.

A year later, he and I had still been talking off and on, but never as fervently as we had that summer.

Around the same time of year, his father had taken the plunge. I knew this was almost the last straw for him, he had always said he hated his dad, for everything, but I knew no one could hate their dad… not enough to be happy when he was dead.

I called and left a voicemail. But I didn’t think it was enough. He called me back a day later, and we talked… I tried to make him laugh, but I think it was fake and forced.

It’s been almost a year since then, and he hasn’t been well at all, and he refused to talk to me after that.

After receiving the letter in September, we Skyped.

A bit of my letter in response to him:

“I look  at your name on my favorite pair of pants and its all crossed out and written over.

But its still there.

Sharpie is permanent marker and I always write in it.”

…..But you know me.

A Special Message To Complainers


On any given day, people complain about being unloved, alone, sad, unsatisfied and lonely. On Valentine’s day this is increased 1000000000x fold. People in a relationship either complain about their significant other or they gloat about all the things they did and stuff they received. These rants  can be prolonged starting from the beginning of February to a week after the 14th. I am realizing now how much I hate people that complain. Especially this one kid in my Political Science class that never shuts up.

exhalesloudly

Yet, here I am complaining about complainers. Wonderful.

foxy

Then there are the complainers that project their ideas of what should happen on to you like so:

“I got a special ticket to a special event and an extra one for the guest of my choice! Guess who I will dress up as?”

Some dude: “*A very sexy lady that is his favorite character*”

me: “No… *some other chick*” 

Some dude: “U mean the one I could be the other half too? Is that what the other ticket is for?”

me: “………………………………………… just wow.”

everyonehereverystoned(dat James Marsters tho)

This never ends for me.

What I want to do allllll the time:

silverlingingplaybookfu

And then say not so politely in 5 words:

tumblr_n01lsvLX6p1tpinpgo1_500

Well… Valentine’s day was a nice. I gave gifts to friends and it was nice, although I didn’t receive any except for one yesterday that was fine with me. I got plenty of good cupcakes from friends.

and I am 17 now. It doesn’t sit right with me really. But, I realize that now isn’t about now, now is about getting to R, and until at R, now is just whats happening. Get thee to a NunneRRRRRy, me, before Hamlet cries himself a river of blood and I gotta drown in it.

But until then,

don’t you forget about me.

breakfastclub

Synopsis


This is what happens when I make dumb decisions. I write dumb lists about things that are real so I can reassure myself of…. existence.

1.I am really good at being vague.

2. This ability also makes everyone think really strange things about my weekends.

3. How I spend my weekends varies depending on the season

4. Why the fuck do you care?

5. I really need to stop being so impulsive

6. pullyourselftogether

7. Uplifting .gifs are nice.

8. I’ve been listening to really sad acoustic music for a long time now…

9. It’s hard to write because that gif is distracting me.

10. I really would like to just play music infinitely.

11. I wrote a song that is really sad but I dont have melody for it that I like.

12. I am trying to get better at arranging songs but it’s not easy.

13.  Journalism I am learning is not my strong suit, I am much more of a lit nut.

14. Philosophy is orgasmic to me.

15. This vid makes me really happy.

16. Minecrafter of Aphrodite and Fey are so cute…. they are my besties ❤

17. My brother is getting sent home from basic cus he almost died because of an allergic reaction. He will be home tonight.

18. I missed  him.

 

Some…. weird shit.


If you name a dick Uncle Sam does that mean the Government is a dick?

-Fey

She is amazing.

Anyways….

This is to the tune of : Inside out by Eve 6 , Machinehead by Bush, and Hey Man, Nice Shot! by Filter.

Some good 90’s rock.

Lyric of the day for my friend GirlyinGold

“I’m not as ugly, sad as you
Or am I origami, folded up and just pretend
Demented as the motives in your head”

Girly and I have had some issues with a certain someone and both going in circles with each other and this mofo. So I made my final decision and she did too. No more sharing because manwhores are not going to be encouraged.

This is what life is like now, things are a tad dramatic, but I can deal because angst is a powerful motivator. Very powerful.

Some views on Marijuana:

Doesn’t really do anything seriously beneficial except for make you feel “floaty” and light.

Makes people really unmotivated.

Kills brain cells.

Has bad effects on certain individuals and makes them very irrationally emotional or angry.

Smells like shit.

Carcinogens.

 

 

And stoner’s are just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo obnoxious.

Fuck’in Schizandra berries.

 

 

 

Pick up line of the day:

“Dang babe, are you my most recent Calc grade? Cuz I’d say you’re a 10 with a curve.”