These past weeks have really sucked. Not because nothing good happened, but because all the good things were spoiled by disappointments, and disaster took ever shining moment into a tainted crimson version of what it could’ve been. Which was a nice sepia, but that’s not what these weeks look like now, they are sad.
Lyrics that I relate to right now: (Here With Me by Dido)
Oh I am what I am
I’ll do what I want
But I can’t hide
I won’t go
I won’t sleep
I can’t breathe
Until you’re resting here with me
I won’t leave
I can’t hide
I cannot be
Until you’re resting here with me
“Let’s still be friends.”
Ha. You’re funny.
On any given day, people complain about being unloved, alone, sad, unsatisfied and lonely. On Valentine’s day this is increased 1000000000x fold. People in a relationship either complain about their significant other or they gloat about all the things they did and stuff they received. These rants can be prolonged starting from the beginning of February to a week after the 14th. I am realizing now how much I hate people that complain. Especially this one kid in my Political Science class that never shuts up.
Yet, here I am complaining about complainers. Wonderful.
Then there are the complainers that project their ideas of what should happen on to you like so:
“I got a special ticket to a special event and an extra one for the guest of my choice! Guess who I will dress up as?”
Some dude: “*A very sexy lady that is his favorite character*”
me: “No… *some other chick*”
Some dude: “U mean the one I could be the other half too? Is that what the other ticket is for?”
me: “………………………………………… just wow.”
(dat James Marsters tho)
This never ends for me.
What I want to do allllll the time:
And then say not so politely in 5 words:
Well… Valentine’s day was a nice. I gave gifts to friends and it was nice, although I didn’t receive any except for one yesterday that was fine with me. I got plenty of good cupcakes from friends.
and I am 17 now. It doesn’t sit right with me really. But, I realize that now isn’t about now, now is about getting to R, and until at R, now is just whats happening. Get thee to a NunneRRRRRy, me, before Hamlet cries himself a river of blood and I gotta drown in it.
But until then,
don’t you forget about me.
1. I planned out my birthday outfit 5 days in advance.
2. A few weeks ago I felt inspired by colored hairspray and went on a rampage and sprayed my whole head black, took pictures, posted them on FB and freaked everyone out. then I did the same with pink immediately after…my hair was SO clean after that. I probably shampooed my hair around 5 times.
3. I cry when my hormones flair up for almost no reason.
4. My laptop sticker that says “Freedom” is from a stamp sheet.
5. I don’t know how many people have seen me with just a bra, I can’t count anymore.
6. Hold ’em tight texts me at 1 am and we talk about masturbating. Yup. Teenagers. I never thought the day would come.
7. My dad thinks I sleep with everyone from my school, including all of my best guy friends from outside of school… smoker you the most.
8. This notion stated above has spread so wide Mr. Teacher and my entire school compare me with The Wife Of Bath from Chaucer and Clytemnestra.
9. I think that’s cool in all, just what exact traits? I would not want to fate myself into having 5 bad husbands and a husband that sacrifices my daughter so he can have a good journey, then gets killed by my son.. That would be really uncool.
10. I hate who I am attracted too. The guys I have chemistry with are Manwhores. What does that say about me? aw, fuck it means I am there pimp! What is this sorcery?
11. okay, okay, maybe its not that bad…. (don’t lie to yourself Zany, it really is that bad..)
12. Dafuq is happening to me?!?!?!?!
13. Don’t answer that I already know,
14. INSANITY. HYSTERIA. I AM LOSING IT! HA HA!.
15….k calm down. It’s chill.
16. Its freaking highschool. What I am gonna do? SURVIVE.
17. This is really getting out of hand….On one side, my girls friends say: “OMG STFU Zany, you need to stop obsessing and just, *tosses really long hair and checks how nails look* just like um stop. Don’t get involved.” *they go and make out with their boyfriend. they didn’t even let me evaluate or tell me they even met them before dating.* And the boys are saying: “Oh you should just breath, go hook up with some dude, don’t care about it. threesome? PLEASE?” *begs for hours*
18. Anyone seeing a pattern here?
19. See why I am confused NOW?
20. Yeah. FML. I am gonna go watch Doctor Who, play minecraft, and keep writing shit….and pray that everything will turn out. *straight A’s straight A’s… please!*
As many of my close friends already know, I have several lists of stuff… especially of existing beings. (i.e. all the living people around me.) I have a list of girls and guys, rating their personality and looks randomly enough…. I believe when that was created it was at 3 in the morning with my best friend, just like my first experience with my little pony, and the brony bunch. That’s another story that could take a while to explain.
Back to what was the reason for this blog, this strange urge to make lists of primarily sexual girly cruelty I have seems to pay off to help me get my thoughts organized, (including my fantasies), I have this list that I broke down of my guy friends, I put down several categories for them. I will use fake names that represent these persons.
Lovers (metaphorical for closer guy friends): Mega Brains-Boob Ogler
My Angelic Buttery Satan
Husbands(metaphorical for men that I may not be close to but are either involved with in a joke or are being I have never met and seen on YouTube or other thing.. etc. few may not exist.)
Sons (metaphorical for those that I would like my future children to posses their traits): The Nice One-SKYPER
Boyfriend(this is not metaphorical): M’Dear
Brothers/AWKWARD (code for: your out of my league.) GothKidNextDoor
The Other X
The Awkward Hair Guy
Blurry(those I wish had more compatible personalities with me): Lovely Man
Enemies: Jerk-face #1. #2. #3. #4. #5. #6 etc.
This list is probably the best thing I have ever constructed out of every list I have made.
hm…. might need to make a list of rating of everything I’ve written…..I should get started on that this summer….