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Anecdotes: #1 Strawberries

As per request from wonderful friends, I will write my stories and little notes I’ve taken from my experiences.

In highschool, I –for some strange reason– became the Guru of anything pertaining to romance and sex for couples and friends. One of my closest friends, Minecrafter of Aphrodite (we will call him MoA for short) asked me to teach him to kiss since he had just started dating his first girlfriend. It was his sophomore year of highschool and my Junior year, so I took his request. I thought for a while about a way to verbally teach him and came to the conclusion that strawberries would be the best analogy.

See, giving someone step-by-step directions going through how to move their lips, tongue, and cheeks would be a disaster and I’d end up just making a bunch of weird faces at him. I didn’t find this an attractive way to teach or a useful way for him to learn how to handle another person.

I ended up telling him this:

“Imagine you are holding a succulent, juicy, strawberry. You don’t take the strawberry and rip into it with your mouth like an animal, nor do you lick it all over with your tongue and rub its juices all over your face. No, you gingerly press it to your lips and then take it slightly into your mouth between your lips and put pressure down on it. Don’t get complex or you won’t be savoring the taste. Start slow and then if you find out the strawberry isn’t reluctant, move forward. Silent communication.”

Now strawberries are not essentially sexual (like a banana) or romantic (like chocolate), but I think they are perfect for this situation since kissing can be either very emotional or apathic. Kissing is what you make it and what you put into it. It’s a way of communicating your intentions and feelings, or the lack thereof.





Things I learned along the way

From last December to now:

1. What it’s like to kiss 14 year olds

2. What its like to walk around on city streets  in the dark with people you’ve only met twice.

3. How to bite.

4. The importance of communication

5. How to not give a fuck

6. Blow dryers are helpful to hair, unhelpful to dry skin.

7. The importance of watching movies that are considered “Classics”

8. It’s not all about your grade or how well it was done, its about getting it done way before its due so that its already good.

9. Reading isn’t dumb, its actually better for you than anything else.

10. Tv makes you stupid.

11. You only have so many Jelly Beans.

12. The internet is infinite, and so is human stupidity… but the universe does have an end.

13. Random strangers can be nice people most the time.

14. Never trust old ladies in teen clothing stores

15. Guys and girls aren’t as different from each other as they think they are, they simply express the same ideas and emotions in opposing ways because they strive to be different from one another

16. Girl Gamers are mostly nice, and there are many.

17. Layered nail polish hurts.

18. I am sick of kissing.

19. I fail math tests more than any other exams

20. My SAT score is better than my brother’s.

21. I feel naked without my middle finger ring.

22. This blog keeps me sane.

23. The number of journals I have filled is more than the number of years I have been able to write.

24. PC is something I liked more than I thought I would.

25. I can’t do simple math but give me long algebraic equations, I will eat them up.

26. 1337 5934|< 15 +|=|3 |835+ ❤

27. I know my latin better than google translate

28. I might feel totally alone sometimes while simultaneously feel completely full of life and happiness, but I am just the same as everyone else.

29. I am a lot  better at accepting death and sadness than other people

30. My Mother is the most thoughtful person I know.

31. I have never kissed anyone I loved.

32. My x girlfriend is awesome

33. I can’t decide how much is too much .

34. Promises to myself are some of the hardest things to keep.

35. Jesus is better than sex, beer, tacos, and weed.

36. No matter how much I try to avoid, I know its only a matter of time.

37. I only have so many Jelly Bean’s left.

38. I think I’ve spent most of mine wisely.

39. Except those few where I wasted my time on trying to love someone.

40. Forty is a holy number and I like it a lot.

41. Old age is actually a beautiful thing

42. Sadness is temporary.

43. Memories don’t have to be remembered the same way they happened.

44. Going back in time is all about perspective.

45. I think I am a better person in my written/sung words than any where else.

46. Hyperbole is useful, but it can be over used.

47. I am an over user of it.

48. Honesty is always the best policy even if it hurts so much it’s almost unbearable.

49. I am losing my ability to spell check things mentally.

50. This might be the longest list I’ve written on here.

51.  Silence is better than wasting air on words that mean nothing.

52. I know that I have to be on top.

53. Contrary to popular belief, I actually am not ______

54. I just want to sing.

55. Five is my favorite number, for no particular reason whatsoever.

56. I don’t like the number 3, it bothers me.

57. Maybe someday I wont have to self medicate with video games to drown my sorrows.

58. I hate when people — especially friends — pity me when I try to share something personal.

59. If you need to cry, go outside. And find a sexy shoulder, then cry on it.

60. Is the age my grand mother got married for the 5th time.

61. Games are everywhere.

62. Hate is undefinable.

63. So is love.

64. Up and down are only relative to your position on the earth and gravity’s pull.

65. I really hate humanity most the time.

66. I pray that a smart person who is sparkling will show up on my door step one day and want to be my friend and love me.

67. I  think Plato was right.

68. Ethics are more than morals explained.

69. (hahah) More people make jokes about this number than any other. (rule 34)

70. Christmas is good as long as you get rid of the Scroogy-Grinch in your head.