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Anecdotes: #1 Strawberries


As per request from wonderful friends, I will write my stories and little notes I’ve taken from my experiences.

In highschool, I –for some strange reason– became the Guru of anything pertaining to romance and sex for couples and friends. One of my closest friends, Minecrafter of Aphrodite (we will call him MoA for short) asked me to teach him to kiss since he had just started dating his first girlfriend. It was his sophomore year of highschool and my Junior year, so I took his request. I thought for a while about a way to verbally teach him and came to the conclusion that strawberries would be the best analogy.

See, giving someone step-by-step directions going through how to move their lips, tongue, and cheeks would be a disaster and I’d end up just making a bunch of weird faces at him. I didn’t find this an attractive way to teach or a useful way for him to learn how to handle another person.

I ended up telling him this:

“Imagine you are holding a succulent, juicy, strawberry. You don’t take the strawberry and rip into it with your mouth like an animal, nor do you lick it all over with your tongue and rub its juices all over your face. No, you gingerly press it to your lips and then take it slightly into your mouth between your lips and put pressure down on it. Don’t get complex or you won’t be savoring the taste. Start slow and then if you find out the strawberry isn’t reluctant, move forward. Silent communication.”

Now strawberries are not essentially sexual (like a banana) or romantic (like chocolate), but I think they are perfect for this situation since kissing can be either very emotional or apathic. Kissing is what you make it and what you put into it. It’s a way of communicating your intentions and feelings, or the lack thereof.

 

 

 

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A Special Message To Complainers


On any given day, people complain about being unloved, alone, sad, unsatisfied and lonely. On Valentine’s day this is increased 1000000000x fold. People in a relationship either complain about their significant other or they gloat about all the things they did and stuff they received. These rants  can be prolonged starting from the beginning of February to a week after the 14th. I am realizing now how much I hate people that complain. Especially this one kid in my Political Science class that never shuts up.

exhalesloudly

Yet, here I am complaining about complainers. Wonderful.

foxy

Then there are the complainers that project their ideas of what should happen on to you like so:

“I got a special ticket to a special event and an extra one for the guest of my choice! Guess who I will dress up as?”

Some dude: “*A very sexy lady that is his favorite character*”

me: “No… *some other chick*” 

Some dude: “U mean the one I could be the other half too? Is that what the other ticket is for?”

me: “………………………………………… just wow.”

everyonehereverystoned(dat James Marsters tho)

This never ends for me.

What I want to do allllll the time:

silverlingingplaybookfu

And then say not so politely in 5 words:

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Well… Valentine’s day was a nice. I gave gifts to friends and it was nice, although I didn’t receive any except for one yesterday that was fine with me. I got plenty of good cupcakes from friends.

and I am 17 now. It doesn’t sit right with me really. But, I realize that now isn’t about now, now is about getting to R, and until at R, now is just whats happening. Get thee to a NunneRRRRRy, me, before Hamlet cries himself a river of blood and I gotta drown in it.

But until then,

don’t you forget about me.

breakfastclub