I’m writing this while listening to my favorite band. (can you guess?)
I’ve been raised to not swear by my mom, and to swear (especially when drunk) by my father. Now that I am a young adult I can make more decisions for myself, such as what vocab I use. At 12, I hung with a cruel group of teens a few years older than me who liked to swear in random bursts. I didn’t really like it then and only tried to stop them. But I got addicted to the sound of the words, the effect they had on other people’s faces, and the way they made my sentences sound. The way they made me sound. I sounded dangerous, rebellious, different, and somewhere between grown up and immature. Until I was 14, I loved the swears, but something changed. I cant remember what it was, maybe it was something I heard somewhere.. maybe at Berea, the trip I went on with my youth group. Or maybe it was the falling out I had with my group of ruffians after my disaster of a three-way birthday party. (Joe and I both turning 14 in the same month and Josh turning 17.) It was the worst birthday party in the history of my birthday parties (and I have had some pretty bad ones.) That year I entered 9th grade early, and went to the public high for Drama club and met new best friend Nick D. He swore even more than my old friends. But the difference between him and them is when I asked him to not swear, he would try. He cared about me and respected my views, even if those views were confusing for him to understand. We ended up spending almost everyday together for around 4 months, maybe more. Both of us having a very platonic relationship. And we spoke freely about our relationships at the time, and neither lasted. He turned me to swearing again, but this time it wasn’t to hear my voice, or to see other people reactions, it was for the true use of passion in speech. It was for usage and not for impression.
Nick taught me a lot about things I had never thought of. After all he was 2 years older than me and much less naive as I was. Some things I took badly too, other things I liked. He’s at boot camp now. And he’ll be graduating this coming year. I miss him.
Although I was more used to swearing because of him, I barely used it. It wasn’t something I needed. It wasn’t part of my daily vocabulary. It wasn’t necessary.
My 15 birthday brought so much joy, it was the best party ever! Although I was still heart broken from my little fling during the fall, I was willing to put it behind me for an amazing night with my best girlfriends. And it truly was the best night. It was even better than prom. Everyone dressed as fairies and looked unique because they brought their own take on what a fairy would be like. My hair was completely purple so I was a dark faery of the night. That night we swore. We laughed, and we laughed so hard we cried and swore more. We played truth or dare and swore happily, we played Kings and swore, because everything we said was unspeakable in public. We watched a movie and cursed at it. We had so much fun. And so peacefully we slept in my living room after eating to the brink of barfing candy, cake and pizza. I’ll never forget that night.
I started gaming a lot. I played Xbox almost daily. And everyone I met online, including my new boyfriend was avidly swearing about everything. They missed a shot on someone during a quick scoping match, they would cuss loudly. If someone made fun of their gamer-tag, an exchange of cuss words and profanities were thrown around, sometimes peppered with sexist or racist comments. Whenever I spoke with my boyfriend and his friends on Xbox their was so much swearing I wouldn’t let my parents hear the volume on the TV. I kept it strictly in the Turtle Beach Headset. Almost the opposite happened when I was on the phone with him. He barely swore when he was away from the Xbox. I swore more when I was away from it. We broke up 3 weeks ago but it had nothing to do with swearing and everything to do with indecision and unsureness. We talked on the phone for 2 hours today to talk about a lot things. We laughed and swore a lot. We swore because people in our lives are fucked. His brother died this month. Our ‘friends’ tried to break us up an uncountable amount of times, and we had struggled for sometime. But its water under the bridge, and my bridge is made of the strongest stuff, they wont be getting at me any time soon.
I used a lot of swears today. And in the past months since February 20th 2012 I have sworn more and more. And have become more and more aware and accustomed to swears. I don’t see them as bad, I see them as expression of wrong, but not wrong itself.
What do you think about swears?
I’ve been subscribed to on Face Book by DorkDownTown and he wont leave my statuses alone or my picture uploads. I never said I hated him, quite the contrary, but really? everything must be virtually touched by you on the Ethernet?
Anyways.. The title of this ^^ is about my favorite band which makes me exceedingly happy. And I just erased an emoticon from that sentence. Emoticons have taken our precious language and vocabulary and turning it into symbols that some how represent facial expressions that then in turn represent inner emotions. What is my generation coming to? Clinical depression and anorexia? Not much good is coming of the social networks. Though billions of dollars have been made from just Farm-ville no doubt, I’m not quite sure if the encouragement of virtual farm care is very good for the working class populace which should actually go out and take care of their own farm, with real animals that probably need food, water, and fresh hay, and not to mention tender-love-and-care.
In an explanation of my immaturity, I may not be right about 99.99% of the stuff I write, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t write it, just means, don’t quote me on the Farm-ville producing billions of dollars in sales and stuff like that.. because I don’t know anything.
I think I’m getting too political right now.. so I’m not going to write anymore. It could be detrimental to my future career…. If this blog isn’t already.
Two days ago, I think it was, I was on Facebook perusing the news feed, when I saw a post from the super star I subscribed too. He wrote, “How many people cried to this song?” and under was a link to one of his band’s songs “Sing”. I commented below, “I cried while singing.” I wasn’t expecting him to actually respond, he did though. After a small comment conversation, I posted on his wall, and then made my status say I was talking to him, and we talked for some time…
Frank Iero, you are amazing, a true artist, and you inspire me.
Though, my conversation was trivial, and virtual, I really enjoyed it. My mother thinks I’m crazy, but sing my nick name literally means “Crazy but likable” I know I chose right to name myself that…
Today was the last day of New Hope Tutorials, and Mr. Teacher is going to read my short story about Arachibutyrophobia in the next few days. (And I spelled that with out googling it, and google can be both a verb and a noun, says Mr. Teacher.)
Merry Christmas Readers! And Happy New Year!
My Chemical Romance, no matter how much that proves that they are ingenious musicians, there is no way to disprove that they are obsessed with death and destruction of everything breathing…. But, I still love them just as much. Even though they are psychotic, but who do you think is writing? I am definitely not all right. “I’m not okay, (I promise)” Best MCR song EVER!
So its been 12 days since I wrote that. I’m slacking in my commitment to this blog. Majorly slacking.
In the past hour, and few days, I’ve been very…well pissed off about my schools regulations on “proper forms of affection”. I do not think that being a couple, or love struck teenager, is a sin that could damn me and my signficant other to hell. I believe the opposite. That, when in love, though there be restrictions according my beliefs, those are over come by marriage which is the union of goodness. Not damnation. This is risky for me to write, since one of my teachers has knowledge of this site. But, there is such thing as speaking one’s mind without being rude, but I am not well versed in that. Too bad.
My interest in Zombies, is declining with a sad and ungrateful noise. And my love for Aliens is now that I have become one in many ways to my peers.
Snitches. I call them snitches even though that probably isn’t the correct term for someone who complains of being uncomfortable around the hidden hormones of their friends, when really it is their own hormones they are uncomfortable with. The power of hormones is unstoppable, the public school is still trying to hide this despite of it’s blatantly obviousness in their halls.
My fashion sence has disappeared with the rules that constrict me. I am now submitting to the sad place where fashion becomes knife earings.
Tea, is one of the first words that comes to mind when I think of Dean. He’s awesome.
Dean, is a friend of mine, that has become a brother, though two years older than me, he feels like my little brother. *pats him on the head* Dean thinks I play video games too much, primarily Black ops (Blops), and that’s what gives me such scary dreams that I tend to blog about. This mornings dream…was really strange and was the aftermath of a conversation I had last night with my friend Nick. Hopefully what happened in my dream will never in the world happen in physical reality. I’d be very…terrified if it did. Zombie apocalypses that everyone is ready for anyways isn’t so terrifying. Well…maybe a bit hard to comprehend how they would happen but, you could always reference any horror movie or video game for that information. Like wise with Aliens and vampires. I wonder how a Vampire Apocalypse would turn out? hm..there is a good song about that one though: Vampires will never hurt you, by My Chemical Romance. LOVE THAT SONG!! moving on….
Going through my closet the other day and attempting to clean it, I remembered that I have….dare I say, over 40 dresses. I also have probably 10 different jackets, 5 of which are all black. I also noticed that I have an extreme number of small frilly skirts from hot topic and a scary accumulation of one piece casual jumper things… I’m wearing one right now. Good thing I don’t have as many shoes as I know some other friends do.. *sighs of relief* Need to cut back on my fashionesta-sprees! I haven’t shopped for months and I am really feeling the with-drawl.
I have homework to write an essay analyzing Frankenstein by Marry Shelly. I picked the most interesting topic I was slightly inspired by, unrequited love. Its gonna be a really depressing paper. Just like the book. Did you know that in each paragraph there is at least 3 words describing some type of sad feeling. The words, “Grief” “Fear” “loathsome” “disturbing” “demon” “hateful” “distaste” “anguish” “mocking” “unhappiness” “hideous” “wretched” “filthy” “deformity” “gloomy” “murderer” “destroyed” “suffering” “illness” “weakness” “despair” “loneliness” “evil” “horror” “agony” “desolate” “terrible” “disaster” “frightful” “guilt” “lawless” “aggravation” “deserted” are putrid and ubiquitous.
This is your personal blog post.
This blog post, is dedicated to you, because you read my blog and endure my silly thoughts that I type here.
I’m really happy to know that I and strangers are not the only ones reading this. It brings me some hope that I can finish a book or two, with fans,
Oh, now for Zombies and Aliens, they are….ah usually flesh eating beings who tend to be a part of my every blog post. And….that makes them….important? The fictional things that make up my life are really stimulating for my stories. I should write something about aliens now…
I keep listening to “the Death of Judas” over and over again. He has so much passion when he sings, he sounds so inspiring, and I wonder if he was what inspired My Chemical Romance to use rock and roll and his screamo jazz together.