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A Stream of Consciousness List


Inspired by Barbara Ann Kiper’s book “14,000 Things To Be Happy About”.

1. That thought niggling in the back of your head for weeks about that one thing you wish you could avoid

2. Unavoidable situations

3. The inevitability of confrontation and circumstance

4. Both the calm and the rage

5. Emotions that are tangled together like the ball of yarn in the back of your grandma’s closet from 1958.

6. The moldy bread that disappoints to the point of anger

7. Hatred for hatred

8. The inevitability of them finding out

9. Resolving to repent

10. Relentless self doubt

11. Self hatred

12. Self harm

13. Verbal inner abuse

14. The torture of guilt

15. The relief of a pent up word.

16. Anxiety

17. The realization that every human being is living a life just as complicated as your own

18. Sonder

19. Understanding humans are almost unjudgeable. Morals, ethics, and human rights are all a concepts of our cultural consensus and collective attitude in an individualistic universe striving against itself in its hypocritical ways.

20. Chaos and Order aren’t quite as dissimilar as they seem.

21. Love and Hate are not opposites, but simply one is the softer version of the other and the harsher version of itself

22. The feeling of flying after breathing slowly

23. Doubting if anything ever said is truly unique

24. Doubting if “unique” actually exists.

25. Jazz recordings from 1938

26. Discrepancies.

27. “Ubiquitous” is still one of my favorite words, unfortunately, it is not ubiquitous. (hehe)

28. Pressing the repeat button to listen to my soul song of the night.

29. Him. Who is always on my mind.

30. Him. Who is often on my mind.

31. Him. Who is sometimes on my mind

32. Him. Who I would like to pleasantly vacate.

33. Him. Who should really blow this taco stand.

34. Him. Who needs to kindly fuck off.

35. Her.

36. Telekinesis

37. Telepathy.

38. Best friends

39. Know-it-alls

40. Synonyms.

41. Ecce. ego sum mortem.

42. How uncool people are

43. The idea of “cool” being such a vague term I wish I could forgo ever using it in a colloquial sentence ever again in my existence.

44. Extensive vocabulary.

45. Mother fucking scholars

46. Anticipation

47. Mother Fucking Stupid Ass Bitches

48. Uncultured tongues with a plethora of explicit content.

49. Not having to explain what that sentence means to someone

50. Carpal tunnel

51. Bad conditions for creativity.

52. Comfortability

53. Affordability.

54. The reason I am writing this

55. “Goal setting”

56. Careers are for losers who don’t play instruments

57. “I’m a writer, I need my fucking space.”

58. Hidden genius’.

59. Fucking diseases of the soul

60. Humans are an infection upon the earth

61. Mother nature

62. I WISH I DIDN’T LOOK LIKE THIS

63. I write poems because I’m sad.

64. I’m sad because I write poems

65. I write songs because I can hear them in my head

66. And they wont shut up until I sing them

67. I write lists because they write themselves on the insides of my skull

68. And they only way to wash them off is to get them out through my fingers.

69. This is why I have carpal tunnel.

70. This is why I stay up all night

71. This is why I think too much

72. This is why I hate myself.

73 This is why I can’t believe you.

74. I thought I was good at this

75. A list longer than 612 pages.

76. Numbers can’t write themselves

77. But I wish math could solve its own problems.

78. Girls who are too innocent to understand they are innocent.

79. Sexaul repression.

80. Parental sheltering

81. Misunderstandings.

82. Compound words ^^

83. Antecedents

84. Vague pronoun use

85. Nathaniel Hawthorne

86. Song lyrics quoted on social media no one understands

87. Likes.

88. Dislike button

89. Disaster

90. Fucking it all up.

91. Cheating the system

92. Realizing the system was made up

93. Making up your own rules

94. Pointless laughter

95. References too advanced for your knowledge of history, philosophy, and literature.

96. Books written in 430 B.C.

97. Hieroglyphics

98. Happiness

99. Nerds

100. A list that will hopefully last forever.

What makes a person interesting?


in·ter·est·ing
ˈint(ə)rəstiNG/
adjective
  1. arousing curiosity or interest; holding or catching the attention.
    “an interesting debate”
    2. A term used meaninglessly and copiously by those with nothing better to say.
    synonyms: absorbing, engrossing, fascinating, riveting, gripping, compelling,compulsive, captivating, engaging, enthralling;

    So, now that we know what it means, what does it really  mean?

    To me, an interesting person is someone who rarely bores me, even if what they are talking about is on the uses of tylenol. What my current dilemma entails is a girl whom with all circumstances and experiences should be the most interesting human on the planet, but she is one of those humans I have a difficult time speaking too without a group. Our one-on –one communication I would think would be amazing, since both of us have similar interests in langue arts, linguistics, history, and religion; it seems though, that she and I cannot hold a conversation with each other in an empty room for more than a half hour without external input.

    Secondly, I usually assume that people who are well educated, well traveled (even if thats just in the united states, Canada, and Mexico) should by default, according to their money spending track records, an interesting and well rounded human being. These people should be eye catching, have good stories(even if these stories are fairy tales, making it all the more interesting), be inspiring, and be ready for adventure.

    Unfortunately, I can’t figure out why this woman bores me to literal tears.  Ultimately, I’m too hopeful and tend to lend my friends one too many chances to surprise me with their intellect and make me laugh with good(or terribly bad) stories, or even better: make our own stories; but damned if they don’t because I am drained by these individuals. I give all my funny(or sad) stories to them, I share or invent adventures for them, I invite them to raving mad gatherings and try to inspire some spontaneity within them, but I’m slowly but surely giving up.

    ART. Art is another thing — when individuals can appear to appreciate all the artistic things of the world, from fashion to music and dance but are depraved of having creativity it brings me to my knees with disappointment. Sure, we need non labeled artists to be inspired by labeled artists, but all humans should have true creativity, they should be able to more than clone paintings and crafts.

    Contrary to some people’s belief, creativity isn’t all spontaneity and divine or other inspiration, it is cultured by loving adults who teach young children to let their brains be free, let their eyes wonder, hands move over material, and feet jump at every chance, or voice squeak when their soul sings through their body.

    Back on track, I can’t grasp the strangeness of humanity’s ways. I’m baffled that chemistry is what connects us but, but philosophy and politics is what separates us.

    I need to think about this more.

Born for this


I sat on this small purple couch curled up with Juliet. The radio we had turned up too high, but it was perfect. A song came on that was very familiar to me, Juliet started singing it. 

“You gotta know the words to this,” she said, mocking me. 

“I do, I think..I just haven’t heard it forever.”

“That’s good, ‘cus I think I was born knowing the words to this. Everyone is.” 

“We were born knowing the words to this? Okay.” I stated singing the chorus.

“See!” Juliet said, she didn’t look at me, but she giggled and smiled turning her face away. 

 

I remember the song being some early ’00s rock but… I cant put my finger on what the name of it was. I really wanna hear it right now though. I think a lot about how things will work out in the near future, but I try not to dwell on it too much because if I make any commitments in my heart to a certain future I know it wont go my way. As always.

…Guess What?


I discovered that Spotify is AMAZING and keeps me from actually studying (and I thought Face Book was bad, doesn’t even come close to the addictiveness of Spotify.)

I found a million new bands that are now some of my new favorites. Such as: Iced Earth, Vampire Weekend, Delain, Skrillix, Nero, and Die Antwoord. All of them very different, I mean, Skrillex and Nero are similar, but Iced Earth and Delain though both rock/metal are totally different styles. Die Antwoord… South Africa never seemed more foreign then when you watch their music video (SCARY STUFF GOES DOWN!!).  I’m never going back from Spotify its beautiful.

All I really have to say right now about the world is this:

IT IS SUPER CRAZY OUT THERE! THEY WILL EAT YOU!

I am also super confused because Mr. Teacher is coming down hard in Classic Lit this year. The class should actually be titled: Theology, Sex Ed, and why old guys are horny.

Yeah.. fun. My brain is just about as confused as yours is.

Something good has happened to me though that has nothing to do with the above!! I am now a runway model for a small show for recycling clothes! I am meeting with my designer tomorrow after school. I am going to miss nap time yet again.. poor me. (naptime 3:30-5:00 meeting her at 4:30..) Don’t you peeps call me a baby… everyone needs cat naps.. they are good for you if you are me and decide to text until you are so awake you cant sleep…I gotta stop texting my insomniac friends…

On to other more important things other than retaining my mental health with sleep… I have more guy problems.. YAY……@#*&%…. If you reference my guy list 2 posts before this, you will see 2 names in the lover column: FRIZZINTriviumNoise and The Bastard. Frizz is super sweet and amazing, (cool metal head guy that might even read this..idgaf..) The Bastard is as titled. (You can probably see my problem already.) He’s asking the wrong questions we will go with that. And the third name you should look for in the sons column: Hold’emtight. He’s my new best guy friend. Lets just say….we gonna be seeing a lot of each other outside of school. (uh huh)

Yeah that was probably WAY too much information.. but this is my personal blog so guess you peeps just gonna have to deal…

Have a nice life, even though its probably gonna end badly. (there is no hope for humanity sorry optimists.)