I don’t think humans were designed to write happy music. I only write sad music, and every time I go to write a happy song, it doesn’t make any sense. Maybe because happiness doesn’t make any sense to me. I am happy now though, and I don’t want to listen to happy music. I am happy now for logical reasons. I conquered a fear. A fear I’ve had for years.
I smiled at him. The one guy who I thought I would never be able to even say hi to ever again. I talked with him, and laughed, and he laughed, and we smiled, and then I walked away. Happy. And the bad scary memories faded to a better less ominous tint into a warmer cloudy sepia.
I don’t want to write a happy song about this. Because it will actually be a sad song, confused under a peppy beat and major chords.
I only use major chords to prove points, sad points. Because sad points can only be stressed by happy notes. Happy notes send inviting tones.
I think we write happy music because we need something to dance too. Dancing is a happy generator for me. I dance when I need to be happy, or I dance when I am. I’ve danced for a while now, and I welcome the sweat and the noise from my tap shoes. I doubt my family does but it’s ok. They can deal, because I am happy.
I like dancing in silence, because I follow my own beat. At Least when it comes to tap dancing.
When I am ballet dancing, I usually need music, because the movements are interpretive and need an emotion behind them. Tap dancing in silence is different. The noise you create is the noise you need. You are creating the vibe. The tone. The beat.
I think my hair is falling out. Or maybe I am pulling it out. I can’t tell. But it does come out either way and it’s probably from the stress. I remember this happening to my cousin, Av, her hair was falling out last year. Especially at her dad’s death anniversary. I think my hair fell out a little too.
It’s coming up soon. May 14th. Not a happy day. But I think we will go away from home to cry this time. I’d like that.
Happiness and sadness are both temporary though, because nothing lasts forever. Not even the feelings we have. Love isn’t eternal unless you make it eternal.
Flowers die, chocolates go bad, and relationships become stale. It doesn’t get any better than this.
Happiness for me is simple. Don’t let me be forgotten in the moments when I didn’t forget you.
I never make promises, but I promise that I won’t forget you.
I’ve met many new people recently, and as the world recognizes, most people are obsessed, fixated, focused, and intent on getting a significant other. Well, this is a problem in my social life because I have many male friends that are confused how to obstain from loving me….and occasionally me from them. This is a HUGE social issue that I hate a lot. It never gets easier and I don’t think it ever will. But will it ever get better when I am an adult? That is the question that is ubiquitous in my life. I don’t really know how to apply the answer yet, as I am still very young and not totally independent yet. I really try to be independent in small ways, paying for clothes/food/entertainment and the rest. Though it is hard when I only work 2 hours a week babysitting. I will start working more after my birthday though–16 in 2 weeks!!– not sure where yet.
There it is again, the urge to meet new people, become close, and fall a part again. Why? Why keep the cycle going? I can’t stop it though.. so I guess I’ll just go with the flow.
I’ve written about 4 songs in the past 3 months. Crazy. A plethora of emotions and thoughts. I don’t even write in my thought journal anymore because I have to many songs in my head.
I went to my first concert on Sunday. Black Veil Brides!! I met a ton of cool and talented people. Lot’s of cover bands. I also saw Warm Bodies last night and it rocked my love story world. Everyone should see that movie. The symbolism blew my mind. Then today, I saw American Idiot the Musical by Green Day. I will never be the same. I loved it. I cried at the end. “This is my rage, This is my love, this is my life.” I LOVE IT!
I’ll be singing those songs for a long time now. Thanks Billie Joe Armstrong! ❤ Changed my life.