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If you are really listening; an ode to silence


The lost art of really listening to people. The secret to it is we communicated with our bodies. Open stances or closed stances, fiddling and looking away, shifting glances, wild gestures or uncomfortable arm crossing. The saying “Actions speak louder than words” is a lot of the time true. That’s why reading body language helps tell us when we are being lied to or how people really feel versus what they are saying. A good listener can see these things. A true listener can start to understand someone better by these things. Seeing how a person responds physically can communicate their insecurities and their confidences, the things they like and dislike, and also whether they are extremely selfish or are relaxed and loving. Someone who really listens can see right through people.

Then sometimes silence (or the lack of action) speaks louder than words. Whether that inaction is someone saying one thing and doing another or being completely passive and not communicating at all.

That’s why I wrote a song called “Silence is death

I wrote this because the lack of communication is a huge scream in itself. Crying silently, suffering in silence, sighing silently. It’s all a way of showing a burden, communicating pain or indifference. Especially indifference. “The silent treatment” is a way to communicate my pain that doesn’t need words to describe it. Everyone knows what it is. Everyone understands why. It’s because sometimes the amount of weight I’m carrying inside me is boiling under my skin and its turning my eyes red and soggy, its breaking me so much I can’t even speak. Sometimes the silence is necessary because I’m screaming so loud on the inside I can’t bear to speak anymore. Or maybe its the opposite, maybe it’s because the world and people around me are so loud I can’t handle the noise anymore so I stopped trying and shut down. Maybe I’m too tired of this sick mess to speak anymore. Words fall short of the things I want to say.

This is why people say things like this:

“If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold evermore wonders.”
Andrew Harvey

Sometimes its really hard to be bursting at the seems like this always. I take a chill pill and reseed into a happy numbness, which sometimes solves the problems and I start to see that I don’t have to hate and hurt from all the noise around me and inside me. I can let it out and in and breathe and be one with it or separate my self from it. Nothing is permanent. But I do wear my anger on my heart and not on my skin. I wear it on the inside where it festers and starts to boil again and I start my silence.

There’s a difference between serenity and being numb.

anonymous

Communicating like this isn’t all there is though.  Sometimes small talk and social interaction in the trivial pursuits can be a fueling ground for socialites or a draining all-consuming pit of terror. Sometimes I love to gossip and joke with my friends, and other times it tears me apart inside to hear idiotic and pointless words. I get so upset I give a silent tantrum and stop speaking to people.

‘Cause I’ve seen more spine on jellyfish
I’ve seen more guts in eleven year old kids

Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there’s ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
And again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?
You’re as subtle as a brick
In the small of my back
So let’s end this call and end this conversation

Read more: Brand New – Seventy Times 7 Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Another List


I figured I should ration my writing ideas for creative writing this year, so here is a list of story ideas.

1. For the assignment concerning a story with 2 different point of views: Scene with a girl committing suicide via a hair dryer in the bath tub, her POV and her brother’s POV. 

2. Lunch room assignment: Something with mythical creatures, modern-day highschool. (Vamps, Zombies, Wolves, Fey, Dryads, Pixies, Minotaurs, Centaurs, Setaurs, DemonXAngel OTP (who believe in PDA) 

3. Random story: Disney In Hell 

4. If Luke and Leia never knew. 

5. Someone unlike you assignment: Transvestite: Guy to girl, Athletic, likes Wife swap/family feud etc., Lives in Hawaii, 

6. Random story: Girl reading book, narrating story, and adding her own comments, 

7. Secret Life of an American Vlogger. 

8. Liar Liar Pants on fire, hanging from  a telephone wire, Stop yourself from catching fire, gotta a make a lie liar, pants on fire. 

9.  Creepy dude that only speaks in lyrics from 50s and 60’s songs .

10. Sad boy with no nose. Voldemort, Voldemort, oooh Voldy-Voldemort. 

11. Troller, greifer, Prankster, the difference. 

12. A character that never speaks, but is only spoken to. 

13. Left unsaid.

14.  sequel to “. 

15. Unexpected ending to sequel. 

16. Prequel

17. Epilogue. 

18. Acknowledgements. 

19. Appendix and references. 

20. Author’s Note 

21. Reviews. 

22. Recommendations.

23. Advertisement. 

24. Biography. 

25. Rendition of class notes. 

26. Collage of Class doodles 

27. Short story: One world holding a fairy like people in another dimension, but they are persecuted by the government in the ruin of their civilization, another world, being human but also close to the ruin of our civilization. A scientist, a little girl, and a man travel to the other world. They get separated for a year, the little girl and the man find a woman and her daughter, they make a family unit and are reunited with the scientist. then they travel back to the other dimension in hopes it is slightly better than the Fairy one. It’s not. End.
(10/1/13) 28. Mr. Teacher’s average day
29. A cheating student
30. The life expectancy of a barely developed teenager.
31. I wonder why I have to do this assignment again for Mr. Teacher. I got extra credit but here is the updated stuff… An idea about: Watching someone blog. Watching someone be self-absorbed.
32. Middle schoolers. The horror.
33. People asking the same question, same answer was given by character finally at the end the character gives a different answer… is it a lie?
34. Morality. What in all flying fucks is it?
35. An over interest in people’s faces. An obsessed Character with some issues
36. The decision to look someone in the eye.
37. Why I do I still care?
38. Is updating this gonna actually give me credit for this assignment or is it simply a waste of my time? Do I get anything from this ? Experience Points? Ey?
39. I write endless lists…. An idea to write an endless list.
40. A story about a bunch of townies in a library,(like where I am sitting now) everybody knows every body…
 

I’ll have a part 2 eventually. 

Enjoy the rest of the summer!! ❤

DEAN


Tea, is one of the first words that comes to mind when I think of Dean. He’s awesome.

Dean, is a friend of mine, that has become a brother, though two years older than me, he feels like my little brother. *pats him on the head* Dean thinks I play video games too much, primarily Black ops (Blops), and that’s what gives me such scary dreams that I tend to blog about. This mornings dream…was really strange and was the aftermath of a conversation I had last night with my friend Nick. Hopefully what happened in my dream will never in the world happen in physical reality. I’d be very…terrified if it did.  Zombie apocalypses that everyone is ready for anyways isn’t so terrifying. Well…maybe a bit hard to comprehend how they would happen but, you could always reference any horror movie or video game for that information. Like wise with Aliens and vampires. I wonder how a Vampire Apocalypse would turn out? hm..there is a good song about that one though: Vampires will never hurt you, by My Chemical Romance. LOVE THAT SONG!! moving on….

Going through my closet the other day and attempting to clean it, I  remembered that I have….dare I say, over 40 dresses. I also have probably 10 different jackets, 5 of which are all black. I also noticed that I have an extreme number of small frilly skirts from hot topic and a scary accumulation of one piece casual jumper things… I’m wearing one right now.  Good thing I don’t have as many shoes as I know some other friends do.. *sighs of relief* Need to cut back on my fashionesta-sprees! I haven’t shopped for months and I am really feeling the with-drawl.

I have homework to write an essay analyzing Frankenstein by Marry Shelly. I picked the most interesting topic I was slightly inspired by, unrequited love. Its gonna be a really depressing paper. Just like the book. Did you know that in each paragraph there is at least 3 words describing some type of sad feeling. The words, “Grief” “Fear” “loathsome” “disturbing” “demon” “hateful” “distaste” “anguish” “mocking” “unhappiness” “hideous” “wretched” “filthy” “deformity” “gloomy” “murderer” “destroyed” “suffering” “illness” “weakness” “despair” “loneliness” “evil” “horror” “agony” “desolate” “terrible” “disaster” “frightful” “guilt” “lawless” “aggravation” “deserted”  are putrid and ubiquitous.