Blog Archives

Reasons why I love you and Why you drive me crazy


  1. I have to remind you to breath
    1. I love this because the old as time saying “You take my breath away” is real for us. As cheesy as that is, I’m happy about it. But it gets a little weird when I’m laying on your chest and it stops moving for a little while and I look at you and say “Breath” and you let out the bits of air you were holding and start to inhale slowly.
  2.  You hate waking up.
    1. I do too, but lately, when I wake up I can’t drift back to where I was and I’m so frustrated by it so I just want you to be awake too.
  3. You make me food.
    1. I hate when people do things for me that inconvenience them or make them annoyed but because you love to cook and I love your cooking, everything is copasetic.
  4. We barely need alone time.
    1. I mean, occasionally both of us need to go and recuperate but I love being alone with you most.
  5. You are as curious as a 3 year old in a thrift shop.
    1. I watch you pick things up and touch them and feel how they work and it’s so entertaining watching you be fascinated so easily by random objects you find. Sometimes I’ll catch you playing with an assortment of weird metal bits and I’ll ask “Where do you find those?” and you’ll look up at me grinning and laughing like a kid and say “I don’t know!” and shrug your shoulders defensively.  It makes me smile now just thinking about it.
    2. But at the same time, you make messes because you find things and never put them away or organize them. You go from one discovery to the next with no interludes or productivity, simply letting your brain lead you places physically without you consciously understanding that I can walk in your room and find the weirdest and most disgusting assorted piles of items.
  6. You are a rolly polly baby.
    1. When you are stretching, frustrated, tired, concentrating, or simply laying down at all, you roll around in your bed on your stomach and become the cutest bundle I have ever laid eyes on.
    2. This also means your covers are always a mess and your hair. But I love it.
  7. You are a furnace.
    1. I need this. Chronically cold feet and hands because of my health issues is a curse, but you are my savior with your very hot skin.
  8. You like to sing in the stairwell
    1. Going along with your hilarious curiosity, you discovered that the echoey noises your voice makes in the stairwell is really pleasing and you go in there to sing just for fun.
    2. I don’t know a single person who would do this just purely on their whim.
Advertisements

Gaming Community, The Internet, and Sexism


MEN AND WOMEN AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN.

Before we talk about these touchy subjects let’s make a helpful list :

1.We are creatures with sexual natures (asexuals you count too <3)

2. We are IMPERFECT

3. We are emotional creatures (except for you, psychopaths, you’re one of the reasons we are in this mess.)

4. We all face consequences for our actions, deservedly or not, equally or not, we face them.

5. Our bodies may have different looking reproductive organs, but we are two sides of one coin (or if you are genderless etc, you are the coin and I love you for being super cool, brave, and unique).

Ok so here are some articles I found while looking at news reports:

Game Reviewer Receives Rape Threats 

Continued article: ’30 Days of Sexism’

If you read these you will notice that this community (the world wide web connecting gamers since 19-whenever) is one of many genders, races, ethnicity, religions, blah blah diversity. Secondly, the gaming community in its wide diversity can be extremely narrow minded and can be extremely problematic in its ways of being offensive, abusive, negative, and even life threatening, (see: Swatting).

In the gaming community, things move fast and things change fast. But one thing that hasn’t changed too much is women being treated like a sexual commodity. I know this sounds strange, but I can prove it to you.

Here are some videos made by the gaming community about things that ACTUALLY happen (some of these even happened to me).

I kid you not, this kind of language and ludeness is extremely common among gamers male and female, but the intent behind them is simply offensive and wrong for both sides.

Because of the popular belief that most gamers are male (54%), the gaming culture has been formed around these chauvinistic stereotypes. This doesn’t tend to bother too many female or male gamers much, though there has been some marketing campaigns and arguments about this. “You can’t have a woman as a main character in a video game, it just won’t succeed.” (Jean-Max Morris 2013:1). This a sentiment that was argued by the producers of Morris’s game, obviously this is untrue. The sex of the main character has very little to do with the success of the game, actually, the more the game creates a community the more successful the game will be. The gaming community is comfortable for most people because all of us want to be there and participate, if we didn’t we would simply stop participating in the culture.

Females being treated badly in gaming communities is simple. Females started out as a minority in gaming culture because of the gender norms and boundaries set up in the way games were geared toward, war, violence, adventures, and monsters. These things at the dawn of gaming were “manly”, “rough and tough”, and everything but sugar and spice and everything nice. Now that gender roles in our society have evened out a little more girls dont feel like war, violence, adventure, and monsters are all that threatening to their femininity or threatening at all to face in a game. But from what I’ve seen is that the community of gamers was established on male virtues. Slogans like “Bro’s before  hoes”, “you game like a girl”, and “make me a sandwich” all stem from guys being the dominating figures of the gaming community.

Since males have dominated gaming for so long, girls who have eased their way into the community usually keep a low profile, 47% is a lot, but still women openly saying they are women on their profile or in game can be rare. This is because of threats like what Alanah Pearce received in the comments on her game review videos. For me, I’ve been online gaming in both the Xbox live and PC gaming (League of Legends mostly) communities for years, and I have actually met guys and girls online that I am still friends with after gaming since 2012. There is hope for the community to revive itself, but when environments are toxified by people with no actual understanding of what their words are doing, change can’t happen.

The best way to explain gaming culture is to experience it, but not everyone is interested or accustomed to the way gamers communicate and relate to one another. That is why most people write gamers off as uneducated and not very sensitive, when the opposite is true, gamers have feelings too we just express ourselves very differently. “Young people will always find new ways to represent their cultural concerns, in ways that inevitably alienate the previous generation. Such linguistic creativity as 1337 5p34K, characterized by adaptation and modification, has evolved from the game geek’s need to express and communicate within a supportive community of like-minded participants.”(Blashki and Nichol 2005:85) What we lack is support usually, because the gaming community is very competitive and raunchy. We like the raunchiness to a point though. Things cross lines, and our ways of communicating can be taken to whole other levels of bad. Swearing is normal, insulting people randomly is normal, threatening to rape, abuse, assault, swat, etc. is not normal or legal.

Now that we’ve covered all that……


I’ve noticed I can’t tell anyone anything without starting at the VERY beginning. I feel like if I don’t tell them the back story to the present story they wont understand it. Maybe I just think people are a little ignorant, or maybe I know they are, but I am curious if I am using this “back story” telling as a coping mechanism.

 

I know I just wrote a blog on stress relievers, but those are specifically short-term. Those are in the moment actions to try to ease temporary pain.

But coping mechanism aren’t the same. They are long-term reactions and actions that are trying to address (or not address) ongoing or past trauma’s and problems. For instance, Anorexia, cutting, writing, therapy, working more, hyper focus on something, extreme routine, exercise, addiction (to drugs, alcohol, sex, food, video games, gambling, etc.) can be a coping mechanisms. Bad or good they are. Bad coping can get you into quite a bit of trouble, as the addicts, cutters, anorexics, and workaholics know, or aren’t aware of. I know I’ve been a lot of things, and I think though some coping mechanisms are bad, if you end up an addict or something like that you learn a lot about yourself after you come out of it. Hopefully everything will get out of their addictions, at least the harmful kind, I enjoy being addicted to chocolate, its worth it. But that too is a coping mechanism. It’s comforting, its routine, and it brings about good feelings in the brain  and the tummy! So, why do it if maybe it makes you fat? Because in the end it helps.

Sometimes, the “harmful” coping kinds can be the most tempting. Sex, drugs and rock and roll, party till you die, dance till you drop, or the other side, succeed succeed succeed or fail fail fail. It’s all a lot of pressure. We have coping mechanisms for our coping mechanisms.

Maybe you drink because you hate how much you work, so then you hyper focus on sex because your drinking and work are depressing.

fuckallofyouoffice

 

Or, maybe you cut because you think you’re fat and then you become anorexic to take control of yourself in a way, then you eat a lot of chocolate and the cycle restarts.

cryingwithwine

Maybe you just want to ignore your life because it sucks so bad at home or you had a traumatic childhood so you play video games and eat all day, while failing financially and never getting an education beyond high-school. maybe you don’t even finish high-school and drop out.

sorryyousuckateverything

The possibilities are endless, but its true, all of us are using these coping mechanisms for our coping mechanisms and it’s just a horrible or terrabad cycle.

 

Ode to Stress Relievers


this

A Teenager’s Guide to Relieving Stress:

#1. Find the closest person to blab too

The more you talk the better it will be right? Get it out of your system? Well after talking to just about every single friend of yours, family members, random strangers, and maybe even the waitress that serves you lunch at your favorite restaurant everyday, you still dont feel any better.

#2. Try talking to a Professional

Hey, it works in most the movies, why not IRL (in real life) ?

#3. Decide you probably need to blow off some steam physically instead.

Run around like a child in  park. Jump off a small bridge. Get a adrenaline high by taking a run around the block. Play weird games. Still feel dissatisfied.

#4. Grab  a random make out buddy.

You thought this was the best idea yet.

#5. Oops.

You’re random make-out buddy happens to also have a significant other they forgot to mention. Feel like shit for 2 weeks.

#6. Video game + Monster + Cheetos Binge

You’re young, you’re body can handle it, just not the overwhelming pounds of homework, family drama, and friend catastrophes. When life gets tough, the teenagers get procrastinating.

#7. Decide to make changes about yourself.

Make quirky habits, like always folding your money in your wallet a certain way, or rearranging every salt and pepper shaker you come into contact with in the perfect way on that table.

#8. Pretend like everything’s alright

Everyone else is doing it.

#9. Try something new

Maybe drugs, maybe smoking, maybe a new video game, or maybe a scary combination of Greek yogurt and old crystallized honey bits with graham crackers.

#10. Try to forget you were stressed

Tell yourself many lies. Like : “I am the happiest person on the planet!” , “I love this song!” , “Best week ever!” , “School isn’t so bad.” , “I bet my mom isn’t the only women who will love me.”,  “Someday I’ll find my prince.”

lies (just saying)

#11. Wonder why you started this

Writing stuff on crumpled lined paper titled “Dear diary” isn’t making life easier. Re-watching old ’80’s films is also probably going to give you some type of eye cancer or something bad. Definitely something bad.

#12. Do random Google searches.

This will most definitely make you think about other things. But don’t visit WebM.D., You’ll probably end up being a hypochondriac and then in turn develop extreme germophobia, which will inevitably lead to agoraphobia, says WebM.D. anyways.

#13. Fuck it.

Give up the search and buckle down. Or not.

myhopesanddreams (life in Windows 7)

Sexiness….. is it real?


A word on Sexy and  Addicts

So many people think you must have the right “bod” to be sexy. Or alluring eyes, luscious hips, voluptuous boobs, nice abs, muscle tone, a tan, nice hair,  perfect skin, the right sized lips (not too big not too small) the list goes on. The truth is, it’s not about your body.

Some of the most unsexy  people can be the most sexy because they send the correct messages with their aura, their glances, and the way they position themselves in a room. It’s all about perceiving them as sexy when it’s really all about how good they are at knowing their own body.

This is all from some conversations and observations I’ve made recently. Of course, being a Victoria Secret model or a Abercrombie and Fitch boy helps, but I can’t even step foot in those stores because they smell so goddamn awful.

Smell. If I took a survey on why girls like certain boys their smell would affect how much the girls liked the boys by over 50%.  I know this as well because I know some really skuzzy boys who smell really nice and it makes me like them. Even if they are dumb and have nothing better to do in life other than smoke weed and play video games (just sized up pretty much all the guys I know) as long as they smell really nice and know how to be sexy in their own way (aura, personality, words, body language) they are attractive.

This kinda sucks.

It sucks because these guys are skuzzy. They don’t have anything to offer my brain, my body, or my heart. This doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to offer the world; they got fuck loads of fun and hilarity, but intellectual conversations and real TLC are lacking. It’s very disappointing since its very easy to fall for a sweet boy who is pretty harmless and easy/fun to be around. But would you want to date a pot smoking, barely educated, video game addict? No, its  a vicious cycle of addiction and blurred boundaries.

As you can probably tell there is some situation where I (or someone I am close with) is dealing with a pot smoking video game addict that is being sexy.  I pretty much deal with guys like this all the time since  I am an avid video game player and I frequent the culture and community. There are people who are fun and boisterous, some of them even have so much love to give it uncontainable. (really adorable too) But there is one we call Teemo that is not so loving, but gives everything else. He has it down to a T. The body language, the smell, the words, the right moves at the right time – its almost rehearsed. (I wouldn’t doubt if it was..)  So how does one deal with such a man? By befriending and being on guard? By unfriending and not acknowledging attraction? By sidling up and soaking in what’s there to receive? I’ve already made my decision but my friend GirlyinGold still needs some ideas.

Thoughts?

Some lists.


Friday’s checklist1. Get purposed to. 
2. Watch something written by Moffett
3. Hang out with geek friends.
4. Receive a very special gift.
5. Revisit an old Halo game produced by Bungie
6. Enjoy 2 meals with beans.
7. Talk about Canada and Canadians 
8. Got cuddles from buddies
9. Played some Truth or Dare.
10. Wrote an entire 5 page philosophy paper with 6 sources. 
11. Read CollegeHumor articles for an hour
12. Watched sci-fi with my brother. 
13. Entertained thoughts of moving far away

Today’s Checklist: 

1. Give presentation to class
2. Hand in 8 page final paper for Philosophy

3. Try and enjoy other kinda crappy presentations given by 5 other class mates.

4. Eat a lot of munchins for lunch instead of real food

5. forget to eat real food or drink water because you are an screen addict

6. Text a friend all day arguing about band names. 

7. Be asked by a friend to sext

8. Decline politely

9. Try to focus on math

10. Fail. 

11. Plan to arrive at Bestfriend’s house at 2 am and fall asleep with her cats. 

12. Listen to brother sing Queen

13. Clean desk, kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bed room. 

14. Forget to remember what you reminded yourself to do. 

15. Write a pointless list about this because you needed to update your blog…. 

16. *facepalm* 

17. Forget how to format MLA style. 

18. Reading Herodotus because good memories are nice to have

19. Organize poetry collections

20. Sing to a friend.

21. Cover the stain on sealing that looks like a penis with a poster of Master Chief from Halo.

22. Realize that is the third poster of him in your room.

23. Wear the tardis dress because its the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who.  

24. Give up 

 

 

DEAN


Tea, is one of the first words that comes to mind when I think of Dean. He’s awesome.

Dean, is a friend of mine, that has become a brother, though two years older than me, he feels like my little brother. *pats him on the head* Dean thinks I play video games too much, primarily Black ops (Blops), and that’s what gives me such scary dreams that I tend to blog about. This mornings dream…was really strange and was the aftermath of a conversation I had last night with my friend Nick. Hopefully what happened in my dream will never in the world happen in physical reality. I’d be very…terrified if it did.  Zombie apocalypses that everyone is ready for anyways isn’t so terrifying. Well…maybe a bit hard to comprehend how they would happen but, you could always reference any horror movie or video game for that information. Like wise with Aliens and vampires. I wonder how a Vampire Apocalypse would turn out? hm..there is a good song about that one though: Vampires will never hurt you, by My Chemical Romance. LOVE THAT SONG!! moving on….

Going through my closet the other day and attempting to clean it, I  remembered that I have….dare I say, over 40 dresses. I also have probably 10 different jackets, 5 of which are all black. I also noticed that I have an extreme number of small frilly skirts from hot topic and a scary accumulation of one piece casual jumper things… I’m wearing one right now.  Good thing I don’t have as many shoes as I know some other friends do.. *sighs of relief* Need to cut back on my fashionesta-sprees! I haven’t shopped for months and I am really feeling the with-drawl.

I have homework to write an essay analyzing Frankenstein by Marry Shelly. I picked the most interesting topic I was slightly inspired by, unrequited love. Its gonna be a really depressing paper. Just like the book. Did you know that in each paragraph there is at least 3 words describing some type of sad feeling. The words, “Grief” “Fear” “loathsome” “disturbing” “demon” “hateful” “distaste” “anguish” “mocking” “unhappiness” “hideous” “wretched” “filthy” “deformity” “gloomy” “murderer” “destroyed” “suffering” “illness” “weakness” “despair” “loneliness” “evil” “horror” “agony” “desolate” “terrible” “disaster” “frightful” “guilt” “lawless” “aggravation” “deserted”  are putrid and ubiquitous.