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Gaming Community, The Internet, and Sexism


MEN AND WOMEN AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN.

Before we talk about these touchy subjects let’s make a helpful list :

1.We are creatures with sexual natures (asexuals you count too <3)

2. We are IMPERFECT

3. We are emotional creatures (except for you, psychopaths, you’re one of the reasons we are in this mess.)

4. We all face consequences for our actions, deservedly or not, equally or not, we face them.

5. Our bodies may have different looking reproductive organs, but we are two sides of one coin (or if you are genderless etc, you are the coin and I love you for being super cool, brave, and unique).

Ok so here are some articles I found while looking at news reports:

Game Reviewer Receives Rape Threats 

Continued article: ’30 Days of Sexism’

If you read these you will notice that this community (the world wide web connecting gamers since 19-whenever) is one of many genders, races, ethnicity, religions, blah blah diversity. Secondly, the gaming community in its wide diversity can be extremely narrow minded and can be extremely problematic in its ways of being offensive, abusive, negative, and even life threatening, (see: Swatting).

In the gaming community, things move fast and things change fast. But one thing that hasn’t changed too much is women being treated like a sexual commodity. I know this sounds strange, but I can prove it to you.

Here are some videos made by the gaming community about things that ACTUALLY happen (some of these even happened to me).

I kid you not, this kind of language and ludeness is extremely common among gamers male and female, but the intent behind them is simply offensive and wrong for both sides.

Because of the popular belief that most gamers are male (54%), the gaming culture has been formed around these chauvinistic stereotypes. This doesn’t tend to bother too many female or male gamers much, though there has been some marketing campaigns and arguments about this. “You can’t have a woman as a main character in a video game, it just won’t succeed.” (Jean-Max Morris 2013:1). This a sentiment that was argued by the producers of Morris’s game, obviously this is untrue. The sex of the main character has very little to do with the success of the game, actually, the more the game creates a community the more successful the game will be. The gaming community is comfortable for most people because all of us want to be there and participate, if we didn’t we would simply stop participating in the culture.

Females being treated badly in gaming communities is simple. Females started out as a minority in gaming culture because of the gender norms and boundaries set up in the way games were geared toward, war, violence, adventures, and monsters. These things at the dawn of gaming were “manly”, “rough and tough”, and everything but sugar and spice and everything nice. Now that gender roles in our society have evened out a little more girls dont feel like war, violence, adventure, and monsters are all that threatening to their femininity or threatening at all to face in a game. But from what I’ve seen is that the community of gamers was established on male virtues. Slogans like “Bro’s before  hoes”, “you game like a girl”, and “make me a sandwich” all stem from guys being the dominating figures of the gaming community.

Since males have dominated gaming for so long, girls who have eased their way into the community usually keep a low profile, 47% is a lot, but still women openly saying they are women on their profile or in game can be rare. This is because of threats like what Alanah Pearce received in the comments on her game review videos. For me, I’ve been online gaming in both the Xbox live and PC gaming (League of Legends mostly) communities for years, and I have actually met guys and girls online that I am still friends with after gaming since 2012. There is hope for the community to revive itself, but when environments are toxified by people with no actual understanding of what their words are doing, change can’t happen.

The best way to explain gaming culture is to experience it, but not everyone is interested or accustomed to the way gamers communicate and relate to one another. That is why most people write gamers off as uneducated and not very sensitive, when the opposite is true, gamers have feelings too we just express ourselves very differently. “Young people will always find new ways to represent their cultural concerns, in ways that inevitably alienate the previous generation. Such linguistic creativity as 1337 5p34K, characterized by adaptation and modification, has evolved from the game geek’s need to express and communicate within a supportive community of like-minded participants.”(Blashki and Nichol 2005:85) What we lack is support usually, because the gaming community is very competitive and raunchy. We like the raunchiness to a point though. Things cross lines, and our ways of communicating can be taken to whole other levels of bad. Swearing is normal, insulting people randomly is normal, threatening to rape, abuse, assault, swat, etc. is not normal or legal.

Now that we’ve covered all that……


I’ve noticed I can’t tell anyone anything without starting at the VERY beginning. I feel like if I don’t tell them the back story to the present story they wont understand it. Maybe I just think people are a little ignorant, or maybe I know they are, but I am curious if I am using this “back story” telling as a coping mechanism.

 

I know I just wrote a blog on stress relievers, but those are specifically short-term. Those are in the moment actions to try to ease temporary pain.

But coping mechanism aren’t the same. They are long-term reactions and actions that are trying to address (or not address) ongoing or past trauma’s and problems. For instance, Anorexia, cutting, writing, therapy, working more, hyper focus on something, extreme routine, exercise, addiction (to drugs, alcohol, sex, food, video games, gambling, etc.) can be a coping mechanisms. Bad or good they are. Bad coping can get you into quite a bit of trouble, as the addicts, cutters, anorexics, and workaholics know, or aren’t aware of. I know I’ve been a lot of things, and I think though some coping mechanisms are bad, if you end up an addict or something like that you learn a lot about yourself after you come out of it. Hopefully everything will get out of their addictions, at least the harmful kind, I enjoy being addicted to chocolate, its worth it. But that too is a coping mechanism. It’s comforting, its routine, and it brings about good feelings in the brain  and the tummy! So, why do it if maybe it makes you fat? Because in the end it helps.

Sometimes, the “harmful” coping kinds can be the most tempting. Sex, drugs and rock and roll, party till you die, dance till you drop, or the other side, succeed succeed succeed or fail fail fail. It’s all a lot of pressure. We have coping mechanisms for our coping mechanisms.

Maybe you drink because you hate how much you work, so then you hyper focus on sex because your drinking and work are depressing.

fuckallofyouoffice

 

Or, maybe you cut because you think you’re fat and then you become anorexic to take control of yourself in a way, then you eat a lot of chocolate and the cycle restarts.

cryingwithwine

Maybe you just want to ignore your life because it sucks so bad at home or you had a traumatic childhood so you play video games and eat all day, while failing financially and never getting an education beyond high-school. maybe you don’t even finish high-school and drop out.

sorryyousuckateverything

The possibilities are endless, but its true, all of us are using these coping mechanisms for our coping mechanisms and it’s just a horrible or terrabad cycle.

 

Ode to Stress Relievers


this

A Teenager’s Guide to Relieving Stress:

#1. Find the closest person to blab too

The more you talk the better it will be right? Get it out of your system? Well after talking to just about every single friend of yours, family members, random strangers, and maybe even the waitress that serves you lunch at your favorite restaurant everyday, you still dont feel any better.

#2. Try talking to a Professional

Hey, it works in most the movies, why not IRL (in real life) ?

#3. Decide you probably need to blow off some steam physically instead.

Run around like a child in  park. Jump off a small bridge. Get a adrenaline high by taking a run around the block. Play weird games. Still feel dissatisfied.

#4. Grab  a random make out buddy.

You thought this was the best idea yet.

#5. Oops.

You’re random make-out buddy happens to also have a significant other they forgot to mention. Feel like shit for 2 weeks.

#6. Video game + Monster + Cheetos Binge

You’re young, you’re body can handle it, just not the overwhelming pounds of homework, family drama, and friend catastrophes. When life gets tough, the teenagers get procrastinating.

#7. Decide to make changes about yourself.

Make quirky habits, like always folding your money in your wallet a certain way, or rearranging every salt and pepper shaker you come into contact with in the perfect way on that table.

#8. Pretend like everything’s alright

Everyone else is doing it.

#9. Try something new

Maybe drugs, maybe smoking, maybe a new video game, or maybe a scary combination of Greek yogurt and old crystallized honey bits with graham crackers.

#10. Try to forget you were stressed

Tell yourself many lies. Like : “I am the happiest person on the planet!” , “I love this song!” , “Best week ever!” , “School isn’t so bad.” , “I bet my mom isn’t the only women who will love me.”,  “Someday I’ll find my prince.”

lies (just saying)

#11. Wonder why you started this

Writing stuff on crumpled lined paper titled “Dear diary” isn’t making life easier. Re-watching old ’80’s films is also probably going to give you some type of eye cancer or something bad. Definitely something bad.

#12. Do random Google searches.

This will most definitely make you think about other things. But don’t visit WebM.D., You’ll probably end up being a hypochondriac and then in turn develop extreme germophobia, which will inevitably lead to agoraphobia, says WebM.D. anyways.

#13. Fuck it.

Give up the search and buckle down. Or not.

myhopesanddreams (life in Windows 7)

Hey…


I wrote a long while back a blog to my friend, or my x boyfriend x friend, and it was because he had stopped contacting me under the pretense of trying to get over me, and told me not to contact him, so, since our relationship was pretty strong, I respected his need for space. 

Until I received a text at 2 am from him saying to check my facebook. I got up during the sunlight hours, read the message and immediately did as instructed. It had been months since we had talked last, probably almost 9 since I had started dating someone else and usually other x boyfriends find their way into the wood work when that happens (or they go totally ham on you (ham meaning crazy, try hard, etc) and attempt to take your attention back to them). 

He had send me a document title: “Hey”.  In the same chat box, I could see the last message he had sent me. Something about not wanting to ever talk to me again. Liar. He had always been a bad liar anyways, and I saw right through him. That sad part was, he knew I knew, but he kept at it. 

The document contained… at least 3 pages of him talking about an extensive amount of things that were going on with him, and how he still thought of me, and still loved me, and wanted me back with all of his heart. He went on, saying 

“Truthfully, you’re reading this because you were not expecting in the slightest a message from me. Maybe you were, I don’t know how your mind reading skills have developed, but for all intents and purposes, this is completely random. “

I can only read his mind because I know him so well, but it baffles him for some reason. Adorable. 

Then he wrote so many “I’m sorry for..” and “I know you know..” I can’t quite summarize it very well. 

“Finally, I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. My mind works as well as a political organization, and is therefore subject to make completely idiotic decisions. There is so much more stuff I’d like to apologize for, but either can’t think of, or they are too relevant to list here. I’ve made bad decisions throughout the two years I’ve known you, and honestly, it feels like twenty. I’ve aged so much mentally, and gained wisdom I never would have gotten otherwise. But at what cost? In my attempt to gain the answers to everything, I lost you, friends, and people close to me. I realize now which is more important, but hindsight is always 20/20.”

While I was reading this I cried a lot. I also laughed at that second line there. “Works as well as a political organization,” great comparison. He was also really right about most of the stuff he said about things between us. We were best friends, and we fought for each other. Both of us while we knew each other were surrounded by people that tore us down, and tried to tear our relationship apart. I am proud to say those people were never the reason for our relationship coming to a close, at least not on my end… I think they may have affected him in a way I didn’t understand at the time. Our breakup was comical since it was the last of many, breakups and getting back togethers, but the after shock didn’t set in till later when his brother died. I had already been in contact with his mother a lot since he was suicidal and she was on my speed dial, but when she talked to me about the death, she told me things I would never be able to tell him. 

She knew the death wasn’t an accident. No one wanted to tell him, and I dont think he knows today. 

A year later, he and I had still been talking off and on, but never as fervently as we had that summer. 

Around the same time of year, his father had taken the plunge. I knew this was almost the last straw for him, he had always said he hated his dad, for everything, but I knew no one could hate their dad… not enough to be happy when he was dead. 

I called and left a voicemail. But I didn’t think it was enough. He called me back a day later, and we talked… I tried to make him laugh, but I think it was fake and forced. 

It’s been almost a year since then, and he hasn’t been well at all, and he refused to talk to me after that. 

 

After receiving the letter in September, we skyped, I doubted we could see each other in person. It wasn’t the same, we were different people. 

A bit of my letter in response to him:

“I look  at your name on my favorite pair of pants and its all crossed out and written over.

But its still there.

Sharpie is permanent marker and I always write in it.”

 

 

 

…..But you know me.

Sexiness….. is it real?


A word on Sexy and  Addicts

So many people think you must have the right “bod” to be sexy. Or alluring eyes, luscious hips, voluptuous boobs, nice abs, muscle tone, a tan, nice hair,  perfect skin, the right sized lips (not too big not too small) the list goes on. The truth is, it’s not about your body.

Some of the most unsexy  people can be the most sexy because they send the correct messages with their aura, their glances, and the way they position themselves in a room. It’s all about perceiving them as sexy when it’s really all about how good they are at knowing their own body.

This is all from some conversations and observations I’ve made recently. Of course, being a Victoria Secret model or a Abercrombie and Fitch boy helps, but I can’t even step foot in those stores because they smell so goddamn awful.

Smell. If I took a survey on why girls like certain boys their smell would affect how much the girls liked the boys by over 50%.  I know this as well because I know some really skuzzy boys who smell really nice and it makes me like them. Even if they are dumb and have nothing better to do in life other than smoke weed and play video games (just sized up pretty much all the guys I know) as long as they smell really nice and know how to be sexy in their own way (aura, personality, words, body language) they are attractive.

This kinda sucks.

It sucks because these guys are skuzzy. They don’t have anything to offer my brain, my body, or my heart. This doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to offer the world; they got fuck loads of fun and hilarity, but intellectual conversations and real TLC are lacking. It’s very disappointing since its very easy to fall for a sweet boy who is pretty harmless and easy/fun to be around. But would you want to date a pot smoking, barely educated, video game addict? No, its  a vicious cycle of addiction and blurred boundaries.

As you can probably tell there is some situation where I (or someone I am close with) is dealing with a pot smoking video game addict that is being sexy.  I pretty much deal with guys like this all the time since  I am an avid video game player and I frequent the culture and community. There are people who are fun and boisterous, some of them even have so much love to give it uncontainable. (really adorable too) But there is one we call Teemo that is not so loving, but gives everything else. He has it down to a T. The body language, the smell, the words, the right moves at the right time – its almost rehearsed. (I wouldn’t doubt if it was..)  So how does one deal with such a man? By befriending and being on guard? By unfriending and not acknowledging attraction? By sidling up and soaking in what’s there to receive? I’ve already made my decision but my friend GirlyinGold still needs some ideas.

Thoughts?

I wish…..


1. “I wish my name was book, so I could go up to girls and say: ‘hey ladies, you wanna go and curl up with a nice me?'” -JR 

This boy amuses me a lot. 

2. “Have you ever tried to drink  a really thick milk shake?” 

 

“That’s better than sex!” (this boy referring to a bunch of virtual gold)
“No its not. Dont you say that.” (Another boy)